I'm not sleeping...and for what?
The Dr tells me its all in my head.
But what isn't in my head?
Lately it's been an onslaught of undesired advice:
I'm told not to be so defensive,
I'm told to be more confident in my decisions,
Yet I'm be little at every turn.
I'm not sleeping...and for what?
I've fought insecurities all my life,
Who among us haven't?
But when I'm asked why are you so defensive?
I want to yell, "Because I have to defend my enoughness to you, as much as I do to myself."
And when I'm told in a passive way, I'm not enough of whatever it is,
it brings back all the enoughs I've had to conquer:
Not pretty enough
Not skinny enough
Not quiet enough
Not girly enough
Not rich enough
Not normal enough
Not strong enough.
The list could go no and on with the amount of enough I've felt I'm not.
And yet lately it feels like my best enough just isn't enough for them any longer,
even though I stand and defend my enoughness over and over again.
Then it hits me I've had enough of you!
My friend you are fighting a losing battle,
I've fought this battle with myself more times then I can count, and it has made me strong Enough
to stand up against you!
I've forgotten you are not my fiercest opponent even at the worst of times.
See I've been fighting my enoughness a long time and nothing you say or do will break me of my winning streak.
Because, while my war may wage on this battle between you and my enoughness is over.
I learned a long time ago that if I am nothing else,
I am strong enough to overcome anything,
and for that fact alone I am enough!
And I've had enough of you!
